Merry Christmas!

It's been a nice day, and yesterday was good too. My parents came to visit, and there is a TON of snow outside. Christmas has been good, but I really can't wait for this awful year to end, it will be nice to start with a fresh year.

Managing your MP3s with Zina

By David Pendell on December 01, 2008 Again another great article, click on the link.

Browse all your source code revisions with ViewVC

By David Pendell on December 02, 2008 Another great article by Dave, just click on the link.

Nyquil

Dave and I both have colds so Dave asked his dad to pick up Nyquil for us. Well, he brought us the green kind, blah!, Barf! Two glasses of milk didn't wash that nasty taste away. I had to psych myself into drinking it. It's better than nothing, better than hurting, but gross, just sell the cherry kind, and that's gross enough.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was good. It's hard knowing my bro Robert passed away, but then I have to think they have the best feasts in Heaven. We totally stuffed ourselves, it tasted so good! We're finished Christmas shopping for the kids, took $50 to Wal-mart, and then got some stocking stuffers at the dollar tree. Dave is looking for a new job, we'll maintain two houses, no way we are selling our home. We'll return after a few years. We can't keep on starving and there is no work here for Dave, especially when it's a 'good ol' boy' club here. We'll be able to fix our house up, pay our bills, get food storage, etc. It's so cold and all of our windows leak, it's for sure a fixer-upper. I also hope that through this hoopla over prop 8 that people will be kind to each other for the holidays and not ruin it.

Winter is coming

It might snow this week, we'll see. It sure has been cold, burning lots of wood. We're getting ready for Thanksgiving, and I love Paula Deen's recipes.

New Testament

I just have to say how much I love the New Testament. I always feel humbled, it gives me hope, and I feel closer to Christ.

Supernatural

I have to say again how much I love the show 'Supernatural'. Anyone who watches it... I'm not sure about those 'angels', there is something not right with them, I think we'll all have a big surprise when it comes to them. Also the 'music video' was a riot, I laughed so hard and I loved it. It's nice to be silly.

Today

Lately if anyone asks how I'm doing, I say I'm breathing. That's good, right?

Heroes and victims in Prop. 8 struggle By Orson Scott Card

Heroes and victims in Prop. 8 struggle

By Orson Scott Card

Thursday, Nov. 13, 2008

Many people worked to pass Proposition 8 in California. Those who wish to be our enemies are working hard to blame it all on the Mormons, but our votes alone could never have done the job of protecting marriage from a fatal redefinition. If anyone doubts that, they should read the letter from Kevin Hamilton that has been circulating on the Internet. Brother Hamilton, a seminary teacher, asked his students a couple of days after the election if any of them had been treated with hostility because they were Mormon. Every hand went up. So Brother Hamilton collected the statistics about who is to "blame" for passing Proposition 8 and gave it to his students, proving that we did no harm and certainly did not act alone. We were part of a coalition of people to whom marriage is not just a brand that can be put on any relationship. We did not and do not stand alone. Then, thinking that others might be interested, Brother Hamilton wrote it into an e-mail and sent it to a couple of friends. His friends sent it on. It spread through the church. You've probably already seen it. When it reached me, I realized that Brother Hamilton had already done precisely the research that I intended to do for this column. So I am posting the text of his letter at the end of this column on MormonTimes.com, and will move on to my own particular points. There are many heroes in this struggle, but I want to call special attention to the young Saints in the singles wards of California. Outside the Church, most of their peers were against Proposition 8; inexperienced in marriage and child-rearing, they saw no harm in gay marriage. So when our Latter-day Saint singles heeded the call of the church's leaders to take part in the defense of marriage, they, more than any other group of Saints, were swimming upstream. They worked hard. They took risks. And many of them paid a price that is heavy indeed.

Many of them lost dear friends -- sometimes with bitter, angry recriminations from people they had once been close to. It seems ironic that these young Mormons were open-minded enough to be friends with people whose lives were so different from their own; but their friends, in the name of tolerance, could not remain friends with Mormons who merely stood up for their faith. If the situation had been reversed, if Prop. 8 had failed, these LDS young people would not have rejected their friends who voted to repudiate the meaning of marriage. And if they had, would they not have been condemned as bigots, for being unable to tolerate someone else voting his conscience? I have been more fortunate. All my gay friends who might have repudiated me for supporting Prop. 8 had already condemned me long ago for standing by a Christ-centered, prophet-led church. The gay friends who remained at the time of the vote already knew my views, and our relationship continues. (Not that I lack for hate mail and death threats from the "tolerant," mind you. It just didn't come from my friends.) I suspect that the young Saints from those California singles wards felt the cost -- socially and in their hearts -- more keenly than anyone. But as one of them pointed out to me in a conversation soon after the vote, "Now we know what it was like for believers in the Book of Mormon." So many times, the division between the followers of Christ and their opponents and persecutors was not geographical or national or cultural -- it was their own friends and neighbors who turned on them. Reading the end of the book of Helaman, we can hear the voices of those who attack the church (and all religions) today. They accuse us of continuing a "wicked tradition, which has been handed down unto us by our fathers, to cause us that we should believe in some great and marvelous thing ... therefore they can keep us in ignorance, for we cannot witness with our own eyes." They accuse the church of wanting to "keep us down to be servants to their words, and also servants unto them ... and thus will they keep us in ignorance if we will yield ourselves unto them, all the days of our lives" (Hel. 16:20-21). Their story is that we Mormons somehow oppress them and force them; they claim to be our victims. And yet they are the ones who tried to force us to accept their radical change through judicial edict, rejecting a clear majority vote only a few years before. All we did was tell the truth, and try to persuade other people to act on that truth by voting for the proposition. We forced no one. We deceived no one. It was democracy. Out here in the East and South, many of our young men and women are serving missions in California. When a particularly vicious and bigoted ad showed Mormon missionaries bursting into the homes of gay couples, wresting the rings from their fingers and tearing up their marriage licenses, we feared that this might make people feel justified in acts of violence and hostility toward our missionaries. If we had put out an ad showing gay activists forcing their views on unwilling citizens, it would have actually been true -- since that is exactly what happened to make Prop. 8 necessary in the first place. But we were careful never to do or say anything that might seem to condone violence against individual gay people. They took no such care for our missionaries. Here is where the Savior's admonition to Peter comes into play. We can see that they would not bear it if we treated them as they have treated us -- but we will not treat them that way. This victory in California was by a shockingly slim margin. The forces arrayed against us depend on concealing actual scientific and historical evidence from the voters -- it is frightening how close they came to blinding a majority. Our opponents will move on to other states -- Massachusetts and Connecticut, for instance. And they will make us their targets and whipping boys. By painting us as the group trying to "force" our beliefs on unwilling people -- falsely accusing us, in short, of doing exactly what they really are doing -- they hope to arouse hatred and rage toward Mormons and use that as a means of prevailing in the political contest. We must be prepared to be the victims of lies. We may also see acts of violence and persecution by individuals and governments against Mormons, individually and as a church. What we must not do, what we must not tolerate, is the slightest action by any member of the church to harm or persecute others. They declare themselves our enemies, but we refuse to recognize that declaration. We know that we are in fact the friends of all; that a society that organizes itself to promote traditional marriage is the one most likely to promote the general happiness -- even of those who choose not to enter into such a marriage. We are not fighting a war, we are liberating people by telling them the truth. Only when they know the truth can they be free.

---

Kevin Hamilton's Letter on Proposition 8 and the Mormon Church Dear Friends, In the aftermath of the recent election, we may find ourselves oddly on the defensive regarding our support for the Yes on Proposition 8 cause. Our young people have been especially subject to mean-spirited comments by high school friends and teachers. We have nothing to be ashamed of. We did nothing wrong. In fact, we did everything that a civic-minded American can and should do. I have put together a few facts that help me to appreciate our position better. For example: 1. Mormons make up less than 2 percent of the population of California. There are approximately 800,000 LDS out of a total population of approximately 34 million.Mormon voters were less than 5 percent of the yes vote. 2. If one estimates that 250,000 LDS are registered voters (the rest being children), then LDS voters made up 4.6 percent of the yes vote and 2.4 percent of the total Proposition 8 vote. 3. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons) donated no money to the Yes on 8 campaign. Individual members of the church were encouraged to support the Yes on 8 efforts and, exercising their constitutional right to free speech, donated whatever they felt like donating. 4. The No on 8 campaign raised more money than the Yes on 8 campaign. Unofficial estimates put No on 8 at $38 million and Yes on 8 at $32 million, making it the most expensive non-presidential election in the country. 5. Advertising messages for the Yes on 8 campaign are based on case law and real-life situations. The No on 8 supporters have insisted that the Yes on 8 messaging is based on lies. Every Yes on 8 claim is supported. 6. The majority of our friends and neighbors voted Yes on 8. Los Angeles County voted in favor of Yes on 8. Ventura County voted in favor of Yes on 8. 7. African-Americans overwhelmingly supported Yes on 8. Exit polls show that 70 percent of black voters chose Yes on 8. This was interesting because the majority of these voters voted for President-elect Obama. No on 8 supporters had assumed that Obama voters would vote No on 8. 8. The majority of Latino voters voted Yes on 8. Exit polls show that the majority of Latinos supported Yes on 8 and cited religious beliefs (assumed to be primarily Catholic). 9. The Yes on 8 coalition was a broad spectrum of religious organizations. Catholics, evangelicals, Protestants, Orthodox Jews, Muslims -- all supported Yes on 8. It is estimated that there are 10 million Catholics and 10 million Protestants in California. Mormons were a tiny fraction of the population represented by Yes on 8 coalition members. 10. Not all Mormons voted in favor of Proposition 8. Our faith accords that each person be allowed to choose for him or herself. Church leaders have asked members to treat other members with "civility, respect and love," despite their differing views. 11. The church did not violate the principal of separation of church and state. This principle is derived from the First Amendment to the United States' Constitution, which reads, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof?" The phrase "separation of church and state", which does not appear in the Constitution itself, is generally traced to an 1802 letter by Thomas Jefferson, although it has since been quoted in several opinions handed down by the United States Supreme Court in recent years. The LDS Church is under no obligation to refrain from participating in the political process to the extent permitted by law. U.S. election law is very clear that churches may not endorse candidates, but may support issues. The church as always been very careful on this matter and occasionally (not often) chooses to support causes that it feels to be of a moral nature. 12. Supporters of Proposition 8 did exactly what the Constitution provides for all citizens: they exercised their First Amendment rights to speak out on an issue that concerned them, make contributions to a cause that they support and then vote in the regular electoral process. For the most part, this seems to have been done in an open, fair and civil way. Opponents of 8 have accused supporters of being bigots, liars and worse. The fact is, we simply did what Americans do -- we spoke up, we campaigned and we voted. Hold your heads up high -- you did a great job on this most important cause. We will have more opportunities in the future to participate in our democratic process. Let's remember the lessons learned and do an even better job next time. These are my personal opinions and thoughts; any errors are mine and in no way reflect official church policy or doctrine. Thanks, Kevin Hamilton Orson Scott Card is a writer of nonfiction and fiction, from LDS works to popular fiction.

Prop 8 reaction? Book of Mormon set ablaze on church door step

Sift you as wheat.

3 Nephi:18 - "Behold, verily, verily, I say unto you, ye must watch and pray always lest ye enter into temptation; for Satan desireth to have you, that he may sift you as wheat."

Vandals Target Mormon Church In Orangevale

Catholic Bishop Decries Religious Bigotry Against Mormons

Church Issues Statement on Proposition 8 Protest

Mormons aren't all the same

We don't all look like Ken and Barbie. Some of us have tattoos (me included), ride motorcycles, and can kick some butt, and still live the way we should, not just on Sunday. Don't presume people!

Note the Tom Petty song below

For anyone who gives me or mine trouble!

Prop 8

It's not ok to picket a Temple! Think KARMA! I was feeling conflicted on this issue, but when I heard Temples were being picketed My resolve was all for Prop 8. The LDS church has always had tribulation, and people, it only make us stronger and dig our heels in more. Sifting of the wheat people, duh!

Supercharging a home network with Amahi

By David Pendell, click on the link.

End of soccer season

Mary's team ended up being 4th out of 12. They played their hearts out. All the games the final day were so close, and the ref gave our team a few really bad calls. I'm so proud of Mary, soccer has been so great for her. One game she tried to get the ball and she plowed into another little girl and they both fell, but they both got back up and were OK, but Mary sure reminded me of a pro-wrestler.

Hit a deer

Last night as we were driving home we saw two deer, one we missed, the other saw our car lights and started running in front of the car. Dave tried to avoid it, slammed on the brakes, but the deer hit the corner of the car and bounced off into the air. Dave went back to see but there was no sign of it, no blood or anything. The car got a little dent in the front corner and the blinker is broke, but no real damage. We were all really upset, we went 3 years here without hitting a deer, the odds were not in our favor last night. We are really blessed and lucky there wasn't more damage and the whole thing could have been a lot worse, thankfully we are all OK and no one got hurt.

Wanda Tracy

Sister Tracy was a sweet kind woman, we will miss her. Below is her obit. A memorial service will be held Saturday, Oct. 18, at 2 p.m. at the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Paonia, with Bishop Charlie Huff officiating. A private burial will be held at Cedar Hill Cemetery in Paonia. Mrs. Tracy was born Jan. 17, 1943, in Glendale, Calif., to Owen and Ella (Dickie) Flynn. She spent her childhood in Glendale and Canada. She graduated from Hollywood High School in 1960. She was a janitor for many years. She lived in Elko, Nev., before moving to Hotchkiss 10 years ago. She enjoyed hiking in the mountains and studying genealogy. She rode her bike across the United States in her early 50s. She was a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Mrs. Tracy is survived by a son, Doug Leeman of Layton, Utah; a daughter, Donna Grant of Prescott Valley, Ariz.; a brother, Owen Flynn Jr. of New York; a sister and her husband, Margaret and Rusty Larson of Montana; six grandchildren; and one great-grandchild. She was preceded in death by her parents. Memorial contributions may be made to the Liddy Shriver Sarcoma Initiative, 17 Bethea Drive, Ossining, N.Y. 10562-1620. View the Internet obituary and sign the online guest registry at taylorfuneralservice.com. Taylor Funeral Service and Crematory is handling the arrangements.

'I Won't Back Down' by Tom Petty

Well I won't back down, no I won't back down You can stand me up at the gates of hell But I won't back down Gonna stand my ground, won't be turned around And I'll keep this world from draggin' me down Gonna stand my ground and I won't back down Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out Hey I will stand my ground And I won't back down. Well I know whats right, I got just one life In a world that keeps on pushin' me around But I'll stand my ground and I won't back down Hey baby there ain't no easy way out Hey I will stand my ground And I won't back down No, I won't back down

Reboot like a racecar with kexec

The most recent article Dave has written for Linux.com.

Ben turns 4!

Ben turned four the other day. I can't believe sometimes he was a premee. 9 weeks early, 3 lbs, 5 oz, which was big for a premee. He's a chunk now, so tall, he's like 42 lbs. He's been potty trained for a few months now, FINALLY! I made a pinata and he loved breaking that open, had a dinosaur cake, got some 'Ben 10' stuff, and games for the computer. I love that kid!

x2x is a software alternative to a KVM switch

Dave's 4th Article Just click on the title and it will take you there.

Mama Bear

You mess with my kids and I'll rip into you like a mother bear, violence will not be an issue.

Hit my head

I hit my head this afternoon in our car, it hurt really bad. There is a little compartment on the roof and when you hit a bump the door comes open (need some duct tape). I didn't realize it was opne and as I got in the car and adjusted into my seat I hit my head. Then a few minutes later I put my fingers on my head and my hair is wet and my fingers have blood on them. It wasn't too much, but enough to notice. I drove to the Dr's office and had a nurse look at it, she said a little chunk had been removed but no stitches needed. My head still hurts. I hate it when that happens.

I prefer the String Theory myself.

Haircut

I got my hair cut yesterday, it's a funky cut which really suits me, plus it's short so it's super easy. I hate using curling irons, blow dryer, etc, although I have them. I looked in the mirror and my hair was a sad sorry state and right then I knew my hair needed to be chopped off. It's feels so much better now, and I feel so much better about myself, I feel pretty again. Anyway, it's just hair, it grows back. I love to experiment with my hair.

I love 'Supernatural' !!!

this show is so creepy and funny and I love how they incorporate all religions to get rid of the bad guys. This show, and I know I'm weird, but it always reminds me to keep closer to God and hold to the iron rod. It reminds me of all the evil of this world and how I want to protect myself from major spiritual damage.

Dan in Real Life & The Office

Dan in Real Life is such a great movie, and it's so sweet and funny. I love movies like this. Steve Carrell is SO funny, he cracks me up really bad. Every time I watch The Office I laugh out loud so hard, I swear it's the funniest show, I really love it!

Happy Birthday Robert!

Mary and I let a balloon go up to the heavens to reach Robert for his birthday. It was neat, it made me feel really good. I got red balloons since red was his favorite color. He would have been 30 today. I knew he liked the balloons.

3x Charm For Dave's Writing

Dave has published yet another article! We are so proud!

IEs4Linux lets you install Internet Explorer under Linux

http://www.linux.com/feature/147592 ALSO:

What UUIDs can do for you

http://www.linux.com/feature/146951

Creating DVD subtitles using Linux tools

http://www.linux.com/feature/139221

Dave is published again!

This is his second article, and a third will be published soon. We are so proud! The money isn't bad either. http://www.linux.com/feature/146951

Bill - True Blood

Soccer Mom

Mary is playing soccer now, she is really getting to love it. I never pictured myself as a soccer mom, I am beyond normal, and soccer is so 'normal'. But living in in the UK made me a Manchester United fan, I even wear my knit Man United wool cap every winter. Dave and I tell Mary to be mad at the ball and being nice on the field is out, but with appropriate 'field' manners. I just think it's funny.

True Blood

I love the new series on HBO. I've been into vampires ever since I can remember so it's totally cool. "Bill" of course is so sexy, but has old-fashioned manners in a way. Like when he asks Sookie if he could "call on her". I also love the fact that this representation of vamps and humans living together, civil rights, etc. , I find it all very interesting. Plus this a new idea, so fresh, not like I've seen before. My husband on this subject is a total opposite, doesn't like scary stuff, hates vampire anything, fainted when he saw his own bloodied cut finger. I grew up on a farm, worked in nursing, also being a lumberjack, or lumberjill if you will, have seen blood, and lots of messes. Scary movies relieve stress for me. Plus when you have kids blood is abundunt, or grossness. Anybody who really knows mw will not be suprised I like this show.

I miss my brother

I miss Robert so bad. I regret not being the greatest sister. We were so different and each went on a different path. Yet still we were so much alike, very much alike, maybe not so different after all. Cancer is a bastard! I know that when it is my turn to pass away from this earth Robert will be there waiting for me, how glorious.

Lego Indiana Jones

So I've been playing Lego Indiana Jones on our Wii, I'm totally addicted, been playing like crazy, even forgot to eat sometimes. It's so much fun! We also have Lego Star Wars which Dave has played already but I will play it soon. We have maybe 10 Wii games, I really like it. I'd like to get Wii Fit as well, we have all loved Wii Sports. I really love the Indiana Jones movies, except the 2nd, and this game shows the same scenes but really funny.

New Kittens

We got two new kittens! They are both Himalayan and Siamese, long hair, blue eyes, soooooo cute! We got two boys. We've been naming all our recent pets after 'Lord of the Rings' so you'll understand their names. So the new kittens names are Faramir and Aragorn, then our two dogs, a boy and girl are Strider and Arwen. then our other two girl cats are Blossom and Noel.

Glad August is Over

Well, Mary started 4th grade, she's growing up so fast! She just turned 9. She also started taking piano lessons, is in a singing group, and will start soccer next week, whew. It's been so hot, I'm ready for fall. My scottish skin can't take a lot of sun. Dave is working like crazy which is great. I'm going to start doing plastic canvas crafts, I've wanted to do a tissue box holder for a while. I even had to drive a four hour drive roundtrip to the courthouse in my county for jury selection. It was going to be a ten day trial, and the gas and time would have been too much, thankfully they picked the jury before they asked me any questions. I was there from 8am to 7pm, and had to drive over a mountain pass at night. The rain and lightening were interesting... I could handle a small trial.

Green Works

These new products are great! I love them. They work better than good old 409. I like that it's better ingredients too, and much safer. I kept trying different products to see what works best and these are the best I've found. Better for the environment too.

The Dark Knight

I saw Batman 2 last night, it was so awesome! I loved it! It was a really dark movie, and every character was so great. I love how these movies put a more realistic touch to everything. The movie quite surprised me in a few scenes. It was really just amazing and good for the comic fans.

Casket in Truck pic 2

Casket in Truck pic

The Funeral...

So I haven't been able to talk about the funeral until now. I saw Robert at the viewing, it was so hard. He didn't even look the same, I just really sobbed. I figure his since his spirit was gone from his body that that makes a difference. Since our spirits are so special it really makes us look the way we look, since a spirit leaves the shell of a body it just looks...empty. So the funeral was good, we laughed and cried. I told funny stories about Robert, and things I remember when we were growing up. Robert's friends decorated a truck and after the church service Robert's casket went into the truck with his friends holding on into the back. It was really cool, and I knew Robert loved it! The hardest part was when the casket was lowered into the ground, I just sobbed and sobbed. I'd been trying to be strong for my family but at that point I couldn't hold it in. I really felt Robert with me a lot. I know he's happy. Why would you want to come back here to this hell of an earth when you've been to Heaven. I know our past loved ones were there for Robert, and most especially Jesus the Christ with open arms full of love. My mom has taken it so hard, doesn't feel any peace, hasn't felt Robert's presence, not sure if he's happy or scared, it's really sad. Mom is just wasting away. I can't deal with another funeral in 6 months. I pray for her to have comfort and peace and to feel Robert with her, but I think because she's so distraught she can't feel him. I've felt him quite strongly. Anyway... It still feels like a dream, like it's not real. Also grieving makes you tired, I've been so tired. Since I tried to be strong for my parents on the way home I let it all loose, and only started to feel a little better a couple of days ago. I still sobbed in the shower last night. I'm angry too, I know some people who could've gone instead, but I can't be like that or think that way, but I do think that's normal.

Hellboy 2

So Dave and I saw Hellboy 2 last night. Loved it! It was also very funny! It was nice, the kids were with Grandma, it was nice for it to be just Dave and I. We went to the drive-in so you get to see two movies. We also saw The Mummy 3, it was so lame, it didn't have that magic that the first two Mummy movies did.

Robert's Obituary

Charles Robert Tillotson

Born in Albuquerque, New Mexico on 09/24/1978

Departed on 07/22/2008 and resided in Albuquerque, NM

TILLOTSON - Charles Robert was born in Albuquerque, NM on Sunday, September 24, 1978, and departed Tuesday, July 22, 2008 as a result of pneumonia. Robert was diagnosed with Burkitt's lymphoma (cancer) in January of this year. Charles Robert Tillotson, or Robert, was born to Charles and Mary (Wilhelm) Tillotson. Robert, as a young child, showed a great aptitude for working with heavy equipment. He learned to drive at an early age, and was able to adapt to different types of machinery quickly. Robert attended New Mexico Tech in order to study the use of heavy machinery further. He went on to work in different kinds of heavy equipment operation in a variety of environments. Robert was also known for his love of animals. He had many pets and also bore a lot of responsibility, along with his sister, for the various livestock that his family owned over the years. In his work, he strove to always deal with the animals in a loving and compassionate manner. Those who knew Robert best, remember him for his fun loving and giving nature. No matter how dismal the circumstances, Robert had a natural way of breaking the tension. Right up to the very end, Robert tried to remain lighthearted and upbeat, often bringing his sister and parents to laughter, despite the difficulty he and his family faced. Also, last year, at Christmas, Robert participated in an event where he rode his motorcycle to benefit Toys for Tots. Robert often opened his home to friends in need and provided them with a place to stay, often at his own expense. His parents and friends were often impressed with his kind and loving nature, no matter the circumstances. Robert's strength of character also spilled into his strength of will. Even at the last, when Robert was on and off life support, his indomitable spirit always broke through. He would often fight through the sedation and try to communicate with his family and friends. In the end, he fought against the cancers and infections that ravaged his body and recovered to a degree that baffled and surprised his physicians. Robert was preceded in death by Mary and John Tillotson, his grandparents. He is survived by his parents, Mary and Charles Tillotson; his sister, Jennifer and brother-in-law, David Pendell of Colorado, and their children, Mary and Benjamin, who affectionately called him Uncle Bob. He is also survived by a half-sister, Devona Kay Shaw and her children; and grandparents, Harvey and Virginia Wilhelm all of Snowflake, AZ. Services will be held Saturday, July 26, 2008, 11:00 a.m. at the LDS Church Building in Pie Town, New Mexico. Friends and family my visit French Mortuary, University Blvd. Chapel, Friday, July 25, 2008 from 3:00 p.m. to 7:00 pm.

Robert's Funeral 2

Robert's funeral is in Pie Town, NM at 11am at the LDS Church. French Mortuary is the funeral home presiding. Dave wrote Robert's obit, it should be in the Albuquerque Journal on friday. I'll get a copy here on my blog. I also picked the songs for his funeral. I also called around looking for funeral homes this morning. Whatever I can do to make things easier. I've just been making lots of phone calls, no big deal. People in our church have been bringing us food, it's been a real blessing. We're leaving friday for Pie Town, and then spend a couple days in ABQ after the funeral. This is so tough, it hurts so bad. I just still can't believe that Robert's gone. I have felt Robert's presence a few times which is calming.

Can't sleep

I can't stop thinking about Robert. I know this sound morbid, but I can't stop thinking about them putting him in that black bag. I can't even imagine my parents checking on him to find he's dead. My dad tried to shake him awake, telling him to wake up. I can only imagine that horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach, realizing something is so horribly wrong and you can do nothing about it. How completely crushing! The horror of outliving your kid, it's so wrong. I never imagined that this would happen. We are all so devastated!!! And there's really nothing anyone can say, I don't want to talk to hardly anyone because I burst into tears. It felt good to call my best friend Danna, I can talk to her about anything. She made me feel better just talking to her, we've known each other for so long, she gets me. I knew that i could cry with her and tell her how I feel and she would understand, and it was ok to cry with her. I love Danna, she's really like a sister, she's really been there for me throughout all these years. I can't crumble, I have a family that needs me, but it feels so BAD. Dave has been so great, just lets me cry on his shoulder and holds me. Dave loved Robert too and has cried a bit as well. Robert's all happy up there in Heaven and we're all sad for ourselves. I can't wait to see him again and I know that families can be together forever. If I didn't have the fullness of the truth, not knowing about the afterlife, it would be so much more painful, the not knowing. We'll do Robert's Temple work next year. I hope that my family will get themselves together so we can be sealed as a family in the Temple, together forever. I am so sad.

Robert's Funeral

Robert will be buried in Pie Town, NM on Saturday the 26th of July. I still can't believe any of this is real, I'm in shock. I've felt my brother's spirit with me from time to time, and I know he's happy, still... My heart hurts so bad, this is a tough one. Pray for our mom, she really needs some peace. She wants to be with Robert so bad, I only hope she can wait until it's her time. Everyone is so worried about her. Robert would have been 30 in September. I've cried so much, then when I feel like I have no tears left I cry again. The funeral is going to be tough! I'm speaking at his funeral and I'm going to tell some funny stories about Robert and share the good things about him. I'd better buy waterproof mascara...

Charles Robert Tillotson 1978-2008

Charles Robert Tillotson died about an hour ago, he stopped breathing. 911 was called but they could not bring him back. I miss my brother deeply and I love him so much. I know that he was welcomed with open arms by family that has passed and our Savior Jesus Christ. I'm in a state of shock right now and my heart is broke. Robert loved children and loved to laugh. My brother told the best jokes and always wanted to cheer people up. Robert was giving and always giving people a chance when no others would. Robert will be deeply missed. I am glad he is not suffering anymore and went peacefully. The world lost a great man today. Dave called the Preston England Temple and put my family's name on the prayer role. It's 3 am. Please pray for my family to have peace and calmness. The picture above is Robert,Ben, me, and Mary about four months ago.

Robert's Home

Robert went home today, which is good. He's in a tremendous amount of pain, but the pain killers seem to help. Mom is really worried, but she's taking care of him and around him all the time without a break. He's supposed to have a nurse come everyday. I am worried about mom's health. I can only pray that things will get better in the next couple of days. Robert needs prayers.

Family pics

I hope to be posting family pics soon, and also one with Robert a while ago.

Robert Update

I talked to my mom today and Robert is in a lot of pain. He gets aggravated and the nurses say that makes the pain worse. I asked my mom why he was in pain and she thinks it's because he's been laying down for so long and his muscles are just so tight and they ache now that he's awake and moving. Mom is going to get a massage therapist to come to the hospital or when he goes home to try to relax the muscles. Even if his muscles are not the problem for pain, a massage can really do him some good anyway, a lot of good. I could hear him talk in the background, he was talking slowly and it's hard for him to talk, but it was so nice to hear his voice. When I was at the hospital he was still on a breathing tube, I read to him out of the Book of Mormom about Alma the younger and his life-changing experience. My dad said he stirred a bit and rolled his head in my direction. I would also talk to him a little and he would open his eyes and try to talk, then cry, that broke my heart when I say him cry. Dave was talking to him and Robert opened his eyes huge and rolled his head over at looked right at Dave, like as if to say, "Hey Dave, good to see you.". That was a neat experience.

Jobs

So my husband Dave has been laid off for four months, it's been really awful, and really hard. Living in a small town doesn't give you many opportunities. Finally he got a job as a train engeneer, driving trains locally and also ground work as well. We are so thankful! Dave kept wondering why he even got his BA from college, but since Linux.com asked him to write for them freelance, Dave feels like he's using his skills for what they were intended. Plus Dave is a genius on a computer, and totally a geek which he is proud. Though he's 6'5 and 300 lbs (he looks like a football player, which he was), no one really wants to mess with him. And ever since he learned Karate in College and the only people who would even spar with him were black belts, makes him intimidating. I have to say though I am a lot meaner than Dave. I learned Karate too and would spar with him, I wouls still get a puch, jab, headbut or slap, I keep him busy. Dave says I fight dirty, but how can you fight clean? We have fun with Karate and practice.

My brother Robert

So I heard from my mom that Robert might possibly go home on monday. Wow! He's real weak but improves daily. He gets upset when anyone talks about him nearly dying, I don't blame him. He's out of ICU, and we all think he'll feel better at home, and being at home can make you better anyway. When our son was born 9 weeks early he stayed in the NICU for 5 1/2 weeks, but when we brought him home he just flourished, and even gained two pounds a week for a while. Keep Robert in your prayers. This has all been a big lesson for our family, we've learned to have stronger faith, love each other more, fight less. I just realized how life is just so short and if you want to do something why wait. Also we learned how much the Lord loves us and blesses us and how we can't make it through this world without Him.

X-Men

I'm the hugest fan of 'X-Men', like a walking dictionary. I have a lot of x-men comic books and wolverine comic books.

Comic book movies

So I saw 'HELLBOY' a couple of weeks ago, I LOVED it, a little icky but awesome. So I can't wait to see 'HELLBOY 2'. Everyone in the house loves 'Red'. Of course can't wait to see 'The Dark Knight', a huge fan of 'Batman Begins'. Saw 'The Incredible Hulk' movie years ago, hope to see the remake. I heard it's a ton better. Hard to see movies when you live in a small town. i love the hulk series on TV, I think Bill Bixby was fantastic and just perfect, cute too. We have like almost all the comic book movies, plus 'The Matrix' series.

New to this...

So I saw Mama Wilson's blog, and my friend Barb's that I've been visiting forever and thought it would be a great way to keep updates on the family and post pics, so there you go.

Burkett's Lymphoma

In January my brother Robert was diagnosed with Burkett's Lymphoma, which includes luekemia. Robert turns 30 in sept. Well, it's in his leg, spine and brain. He was doing really well with chemo, and the cancer in his brain was gone. He then went to the hospital for chemo and he pneumonia as well. Not sure what happened but his blood pressure totally dropped and his heart stopped. He was given CPR and lived again. He then was put on life support. I'm happy to report that he is now off a breathing tube after 1 1/2 weeks, talking, and will be out of ICU by tomorrow. So my family and I are Mormon and we prayed our guts out. The Dr.'s gave Robert a 2% chance of survival and said it would be a miracle if he got through this. The Dr.'s underestimated our faith!