The Funeral...

So I haven't been able to talk about the funeral until now. I saw Robert at the viewing, it was so hard. He didn't even look the same, I just really sobbed. I figure his since his spirit was gone from his body that that makes a difference. Since our spirits are so special it really makes us look the way we look, since a spirit leaves the shell of a body it just looks...empty. So the funeral was good, we laughed and cried. I told funny stories about Robert, and things I remember when we were growing up. Robert's friends decorated a truck and after the church service Robert's casket went into the truck with his friends holding on into the back. It was really cool, and I knew Robert loved it! The hardest part was when the casket was lowered into the ground, I just sobbed and sobbed. I'd been trying to be strong for my family but at that point I couldn't hold it in. I really felt Robert with me a lot. I know he's happy. Why would you want to come back here to this hell of an earth when you've been to Heaven. I know our past loved ones were there for Robert, and most especially Jesus the Christ with open arms full of love. My mom has taken it so hard, doesn't feel any peace, hasn't felt Robert's presence, not sure if he's happy or scared, it's really sad. Mom is just wasting away. I can't deal with another funeral in 6 months. I pray for her to have comfort and peace and to feel Robert with her, but I think because she's so distraught she can't feel him. I've felt him quite strongly. Anyway... It still feels like a dream, like it's not real. Also grieving makes you tired, I've been so tired. Since I tried to be strong for my parents on the way home I let it all loose, and only started to feel a little better a couple of days ago. I still sobbed in the shower last night. I'm angry too, I know some people who could've gone instead, but I can't be like that or think that way, but I do think that's normal.